giovedì 8 novembre 2012

“DESERVING” AND WEALTH CREATION (Michael Hall - Neuro-Semantics)


Yesterday I wrote down on my facebook group: “Don’t wish for less problems; wish for more skills.” (Jim Rohn) Today I let you read this following post about the Inside-Out Wealth training in Italy...

“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.” (Jack Benny)
                                                
During the Inside-Out Wealth training in Italy last week, someone asked me a question about the idea of ‘deserving’ wealth.
“How did you get to the place where you felt you deserved to charge what you are now charging?  What did you do to feel that you deserved the wealth that you have created?”

Now I have to admit that at that moment, I was taken aback.  I really did not know what to say or how to answer that question.  So in attempting to answer it, I focused on the relativity of ‘deserving.’
“I find it an interesting question given that you’ve asked about ‘deserving’ wealth.  That’s because, after all, deserving is relative.  A few years ago I read that Donald Trump charges $250,000 for a speech.  And after listening to a couple of his speeches, which were good, but not fantastic or exceptionally inspiring, I knew that I could deliver one as good, if not better (e.g., more practical information, more inspiration, more next steps for self-actualizing one’s wealth potentials).  So do I deserve $250,000 per hour in presentations or trainings?”

Then, as a joke and to inject some humor, I turned to Nicola Riva, who was translating my words into Italian, and who had organized the training as part of his and Lucia’s Neuro-Semantic Trainings there.  I turned to him and suggested that he think in terms of $250,000 per hour regarding my fees!

Yet in that response I knew that my answer was still not sufficient.  I knew that there were aspects, implications, and frames about the question and about the word ‘deserve’ that still needed to be addressed.  So later I spent some “jet lagging” time just thinking about that question.  Then after landing in Chicago at O’Hare airport and waiting for my next flight, I began putting together an answer— one that I’ll use from now on.  So here is what I’ll say next time I’m asked about that:
“Actually, I don’t deserve it.  There’s nothing in my life, skills, or knowledge that demands that I can now require a certain amount of money from anyone.  Whatever I get— whatever the market bears is a fortunate opportunity for which I’m very grateful.  That’s because it’s not about deserving, it’s about the exchange of goals and values—and experiencing that exchange with gratitude from a non-demanding perspective.  So while I don’t deserve it, I do appreciate several facts:
1) I live in a cultural context where there’s a market for my knowledge and skills— in psychology, leadership, coaching, real estate, etc.
2) I’m grateful that what I’ve learned, the competencies that I have developed, the products and services that I have created, the experiences that I can now facilitate for people that can call forth the financial value in the cultures in which I live.  If I lived in some other contexts and cultures, there wouldn’t be the demand, need, or the desire.
3) So I am fortune to live at this time, to have found the markets that I have, and over the years to have created the credibility to win the trust of so many.”

The Neuro-Semantics about “Deserve”
All of this raises questions about “deserve.”  “Deserve” is defined as “to be worthy, suitable for some reward.”  And if I am worthy of some reward, if I “merit” it, then I can require it.  I can demand it.  I can expect it and assume it.  And all of this creates a very unuseful spirit in anyone who takes it on— a sense of entitlement.

Yet when it comes to social rewards (e.g., money, recognition, success, etc.), these occur within a systemic context involving numerous factors.  So what determines whether I get rewarded in a certain way is more than the mere fact of my knowledge and skill.  There are many other variables.  Is there a need for my knowledge and skills?  Is there a desire?  Are there many others who are also supplying the same?  How much supply is there?  Have I effectively packaged my products and services so that people can easily see and recognize the benefits?

The problem with “deserve” is that it implies demand and entitlement, yet there is no basis for being able to demand, expect, or require that others value the value that I offer at a certain amount or rate.  In fact, if I operate from a sense of entitlement and demand what I think I’m worth, I’ll probably undermine what I am offering and making it less attractive.  Money, after all, is also a shared social reality that depends on a great many variables— variables influenced by governments, banks, stock markets, supply and demand, information, etc.

“Deserve” also implies that I have it within my power to force or impose my offering on others.  But in fact I don’t have that power.  No one does.  Whatever monies I can call forth is a matter of negotiation with clients and customers within the context of exchange.

“Deserve” also implies that the amount of money, success, recognition, etc. (social rewards) I receive for my services is connected with my sense of self, maybe even with my personal value.  If I received less than I think that “I deserve” and am entitled to, I should feel bad, feel dis-valued.  Talk about a belief/understanding frame that sets a person up and semantically loads these things!

So “deserve” carries lots of implies frames that, as I think about it, strikes me as increasingly unuseful, even toxic.  So the next time I’m asking about “deserving” wealth or success or anything else, I have my answer prepared—
I don’t deserve it.  What I receive is a gift— a gift within a system of exchange that I appreciate and am grateful for.  I don’t deserve it just as no one deserves it. If I receive success in recognition or in finances— it is a privilege, an honor, and a responsibility in a market that I happen to have entered.”

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.

Neuro-Semantics homepage
Everyone as best as he can...
Have Joy!
Giannicola

CERCA TRA LE CATEGORIE

Neuro-Semantica (726) Self-Actualization (701) leadership (599) ZETETESNEWS (524) Giannicola De Antoniis Bacchetta (462) Creativitá e Innovazione (416) VIDEO (293) FRASE DELLA SETTIMANA (287) extra (141) Michael Hall (131) LIBRI CONSIGLIATI (98) PNL (85) TED (85) teamwork (83) Creatività e Innovazione (79) HBR (45) politica (44) Borsacchio (43) Abraham Maslow (33) BLESSYOU (29) Alfred Korzybski (20) eventi (18) Seth Godin (17) Peter Senge (15) SBROLLA (15) i libri di Susanna (14) Steve Jobs (13) Albert Einstein (12) Richard Bandler (11) il gioco del cervello (11) Lucia Giovannini (9) John Grinder (8) Virginia Satir (8) solidarietà (8) MED (7) Nicola Riva (7) Paolo Conte (7) Randy Pausch (7) Robert Dilts (7) Roseto Sharks (7) ZETEUCI SU ROSETO.COM (7) basket (7) slideshow (7) Aristotele (6) Gregory Bateson (6) Mr. Selfdevelopment (6) Nelson Mandela (6) Walt Disney (6) 24sec. (5) Carlo Maria CIpolla (5) David Byrne (5) Dragos Roua (5) Fabio Celommi (5) Fritz Perl (5) Henry Ford (5) Louise Hay (5) Pick the Brain (5) Bill Gates (4) David Logan (4) Giuseppe Verdi (4) Google (4) IKEA (4) John Lennon (4) John Wooden (4) Killer-Design-System (4) Leo Babauta (4) Martin Luther King (4) Michael Jordan (4) Milton Erickson (4) Pablo Picasso (4) Richard St. John (4) leggi della stupidità umana (4) social network (4) tutta un'altra vita (4) Charles Darwin (3) Chiara Ippoliti (3) Daniel Goleman (3) Daniel Pink (3) Dante D´Alfonso (3) Derek Sivers (3) Edward G. Muzio (3) Giancarlo Alberti (3) Jung (3) Laura Trice (3) Leonardo da Vinci (3) Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (3) Napoleone (3) Negoziazione (3) Noam Chomsky (3) Oscar Wilde (3) Richard Branson (3) Sir Ken Robinson (3) Socrate (3) The Beatles (3) Tom Heck (3) William Edwards Deming (3) Winston Churchill (3) monkey (3) Ahmed Hakami (2) Alessia Graziani (2) Alexandre Dumas (2) Ali Luke (2) Alison Gopnik (2) Angelo Cioci (2) Antoine Dufour (2) Astrid Morganne (2) Barack Hussein Obama II (2) Barry Schwartz (2) Bart Kosko (2) Benjamin Franklin (2) Buckminster Fuller (2) Buddha (2) Charles Leadbeater (2) Chris Gardner (2) Claudio Bisio (2) Colin Cox (2) Colin Powell (2) Dalai Lama (2) DesJardins (2) Donald Trump (2) Edward de Bono (2) Facebook (2) Forbes (2) Francesco I (2) François de La Rochefoucauld (2) Gail Brenner (2) Gandhi (2) George Bernard Shaw (2) Harry Potter (2) Hidesaburo Kagiyama (2) Ignazio di Loyola (2) James Hillman (2) Jared Diamond (2) Jeff Bezos (2) Jennifer Martin (2) Jim Collins (2) Jim Rohn (2) Joanne Kathleen Rowling (2) John Kenn Mortensen (2) Katsuya Hosotani (2) Luigi Pirandello (2) Malcolm Gladwell (2) Martin Haworth (2) Matteo Renzi (2) Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi (2) Napoleon Hill (2) Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov (2) Oscar Farinetti (2) Osho (2) Pat Metheny (2) Patrizio Di Marco (2) Philip Zimbardo (2) Ralph Waldo Emerson (2) Rives (2) Sam Leader (2) Seneca (2) Simon Sinek (2) Summerhill (2) Tony Hsieh (2) Tony Robbins (2) Tracy Chevalier (2) Victor Frankl (2) Viktor Frankl (2) Vince Lombardi (2) Voltaire (2) Warren Bennis (2) Wayne W. Dyer (2) Wyatt Woodsmall (2) fun theory (2) il sole24ore (2) starbucks (2) workshop (2) 3M Company (1) ALISSA FINERMAN (1) Aaron Beck (1) Abbe Partee (1) Abramo Lincoln (1) Adam Somlai-Fischer (1) Adrian Reynolds (1) AhnTrio (1) Alan Cohen (1) Alan Fayter (1) Albert Ellis (1) Alberto Bagnai (1) Alessandro Di Fiore (1) Alessandro Manzoni (1) Alex Douzet (1) Alexander Lowen (1) Alexis Ohanian (1) Ali Carr-Chellman (1) Alice Stewart (1) Amellia Barr (1) Amma (1) Amy C. Edmondson (1) Amy Tan (1) Anassagora (1) Anders Ericcksson (1) Andrea Bocelli (1) Andreas Dullweber (1) Andrew Bryant (1) Andrew Grove (1) Andy Hobsbawm (1) Angeles Arrien (1) AnnMarie Thomas (1) Anne Lamott (1) Annie Dickinson (1) Antonio Machado (1) Antonio Maurizio Gaetani (1) Apple (1) Arai Restem (1) Archetipi (1) Arthur Benjamin (1) Arthur Rubinstein (1) Arti Marziali (1) Arun Majumdar (1) Astor Piazzolla (1) BGSA (1) Baba Shiv (1) Baltasar Gracian (1) Baltasar Gracián (1) Barcellona (1) Barrie Davenport (1) Bea Fields (1) Benjamin Disraeli (1) Benjamin Zander (1) Beppe Grillo (1) Bertolt Brecht (1) Bertrand Russell (1) Bill Watterson (1) Billy Swan (1) Blaise Pascal (1) Bob Proctor (1) Bobby McFerrin (1) Bruno Boero (1) CLUETRAIN (1) Cameron Russell (1) Caravaggio (1) Carl Rogers (1) Carla Evani (1) Carlos Castaneda (1) Carmine Gallo (1) Cartesio (1) Cesare Di Cesare (1) Cesare Pavese (1) Champoluc (1) Charles Bukowski (1) Charles Gordon (1) Charles Hazlewood (1) Charles Stanley (1) Charlie Chaplin (1) Charlie Gilkey (1) Chesley Sullenberger (1) Chip Conley (1) Chris Emdin (1) Christopher Hitchens (1) Claude Steiner (1) Clayton Christensen (1) Coach DeForest (1) Colin Wilson (1) Dale Dougherty (1) Dan Ariely (1) Dan Gilbert (1) Dan Peterson (1) Daniel M. Wood (1) Daniel Pennac (1) Daniel Tomasulo (1) Daniel Wood (1) Danny Tuckwood (1) Dante Alighieri (1) Dart Fener (1) Dave Brubeck (1) Dave Meslin (1) David Balakrishnan (1) David G. Myers (1) David Grossman (1) David Henry Thoreau (1) David Lynch (1) De Lijn (1) Debora Serracchiani (1) Deborah Keep (1) Dennis Gabor (1) Desmond Tutu (1) Don Draper (1) Don Kelbick (1) Don Sull (1) Donald Calne (1) Douglas A. Ready (1) Douglas Cartwright (1) Dylan Dog (1) Edgar Allan Poe (1) Edgar Lee Master (1) Edoardo Catemario (1) Elizabeth Gilbert (1) Elizabeth Kolber-Ross (1) Ellen Gustafson (1) Elon Musk (1) Emile Zola (1) Emiliano Salinas (1) Enric Sala (1) Enrico Letta (1) Enrico Sassoon (1) Enzo Jannacci (1) Epitteto (1) Ercole Cordivari (1) Eric Hoffer (1) Eric Lenard (1) Erica Chilese (1) Erich Fromm (1) Ernest Newman (1) Ernesto Sirolli (1) Ettore Scola (1) Eurythmics (1) Eva Di Tullio (1) Evan Williams (1) Fabio Fazio (1) Fabio Vallarola (1) Fabio Volo (1) Farid al-Din 'Attar (1) Federico Mana (1) Fjodor. Dostoevskij (1) Forrest Sawyer (1) Fran Burgess (1) Franco Califano (1) Frank Pucelik (1) Franz Kafka (1) Fred Reichheld (1) Friedrich Nietzsche (1) Fritz Perls (1) Frédéric Cozic (1) GIRLEFFECT (1) GZA (1) Gabriela Andersen-Schiess (1) Gaetano Cuffari (1) Galileo Galilei (1) Garr Reynolds (1) Genndy Tartakovsky (1) George De Mestral (1) George Kelly (1) George Kneale (1) George Miller (1) George Orwell (1) Georges Simenon (1) Gerard Hranek (1) Gerard Tellis (1) Giacomo Rizzolati (1) Gianluigi Zarantonello (1) Gianni Rodari (1) Gill Corkindale (1) Gioia (1) Giorgione (1) Giovanni Allevi (1) Giulio Pedicone (1) Giuseppe Calasanzio (1) Gloria Leung (1) Gordon Brown (1) Grace Murray Hopper (1) Graham Hill (1) Grazia Scuccimarra (1) Greg Northcraft (1) H.Q. Roosevelt (1) H.S. Jennings (1) Hal B. Gregersen (1) Harold Wilson (1) Heidi Grant Halvorson (1) Henry O. Dormann (1) Henry Staten (1) Homer Simpson (1) Howard Hughes (1) Howard Rheingold (1) Hulk Hogan (1) Isaac Newton (1) Isabel Behncke (1) Issy Sharp (1) Italo Calvino (1) Itay Talgam (1) Ivan Pavlov (1) Ivano Fossati (1) Ivo Milazzo (1) J. S. Nye Jr. (1) JK (1) Jack Benny (1) James Cameron (1) James Geary (1) James Joyce (1) Jan Carlzon (1) Jane Goodall (1) Jane McGonigal (1) Jason Green (1) Jay A. Conger (1) Jayasree Goparaju (1) Jean-Luc Godard (1) Jeff Haefner (1) Jeffrey Gitomer (1) Jeffrey H. Dyer (1) Jeremy Rifkin (1) Jim Estill (1) Johann Pachelbel (1) John F. Kennedy (1) John F. Smith (1) John Fante (1) John Galliano (1) John King (1) John Lubbock (1) John Maxwell (1) John Shook (1) John Weakland (1) Jordi Canyigueral (1) Jose Antonio Abreu (1) Joseph Chilton Pearce (1) Joseph Nye (1) Jules Renard (1) Julian Treasure (1) KENT NERBURN (1) Kahlil Gibran (1) Karen Thompson Walker (1) Ken Blanchard (1) Kiran Bir Sethi (1) Kirby Ferguson (1) L'AVVOCATO DEL DIAVOLO (1) LAS mobili (1) Lakoff e Jonhson (1) Lance Secretan (1) Lao Tsu (1) Lao Tzu (1) Lau Tzu (1) Legge di Finagle (1) Leibnitz (1) Leonardo Boff (1) Leonardo Sciascia (1) Linda Burstein (1) Linda Hill (1) Lisa Marshall (1) Lord Chesterton (1) Lori Taylor (1) Luca Maggitti (1) Lucio Battisti (1) Lucy Freedman (1) Ludwig Börne (1) Ludwig Josef Johann Wittgenstein (1) Luigi Ponziani (1) Maison Dior (1) Marc Benioff (1) Marcel Proust (1) Marcello Pamio (1) Marcia W. Blenko (1) Marco Aurelio (1) Marco Paolini (1) Margaret Heffernan (1) Margaret Neale (1) Margarita Tartakovsky (1) Marie-Louise von Fran (1) Marilyn Monroe (1) Mario Andrea Rigoni (1) Mario Monti (1) Mark Hooson (1) Mark Howell (1) Mark Pagel (1) Mark Twain (1) Mark Wilson (1) Markus Zusak (1) Marlen Haushofer (1) Martin Seligman (1) Matteo Boniciolli (1) Matthew Child (1) Matthieu Ricard (1) Mauro De Marco (1) Max Wertheimer (1) Meyer e Kirby (1) Michael Breen (1) Michael Bungay Stanier (1) Michael C. Mankins (1) Michael Fred Phelps (1) Michael Pollan (1) Michelangelo Buonarroti (1) Miklos Falvay (1) Misty Copeland (1) Mitt Romney (1) Molly Crockett (1) Moni Ovadia (1) Morten Hansen (1) Mr. Rolihlahla Dalibhunga (1) Muhammad Ali (1) Muriel Spark (1) Nichi Vendola (1) Nick Vujicic (1) Nikola Tesla (1) Nina Jablonski (1) Noreena Hertz (1) Norman Vincent Peale (1) Oliver Wendell Holmes (1) Optimum Mind (1) Otto von Bismark (1) Owen Fitzpatrick (1) Pai Mei (1) Paolo Cardini (1) Patricia Kuhl (1) Patrick Awuah (1) Patrick Hunt (1) Patti Digh (1) Patty Hansen (1) Paul Rogers (1) Paul Romer (1) Paul Watzlawick (1) Paulo Coelho (1) Pavel Florenskij (1) Pepe Rodriguez (1) Peter Crocker (1) Peter Druker (1) Peter Eigen (1) Peter Golder (1) Piero Meldini (1) Pink Floyd (1) Pino Daniele (1) Pippo Lionni (1) Plutarco (1) R. L. Stevenson (1) ROSETO.COM (1) RSA Animate (1) Raghava KK (1) Ramachandran Vilayanur (1) Randall Munroe (1) Re Mida (1) Richard Bach (1) Richard Douglas Fosbury (1) Richard Lavoie (1) Richard Wright (1) Rob Markey (1) Robben Ford (1) Robert Cialdini (1) Robert Cringely (1) Robert Frost (1) Robert Gerrish (1) Robert J. Thomas (1) Robert Kiyosaki (1) Robert Musil (1) Robert Spitzer (1) Robert Thurman (1) Robert and Michele Root-Bernstein (1) Roberto Benigni (1) Roberto Verganti (1) Robin Hood (1) Roger Federer (1) Rollo May (1) Rosa Matteucci (1) Rosabeth Moss Kanter (1) Rowan Atkinson (1) Roy Disney (1) Rudolf Nurayev (1) Rudyard Kipling (1) Ruth Benedict (1) Saffo (1) Sai Baba (1) Sally Kohn (1) Salman Khan (1) Salvatore Natoli (1) San Francesco (1) Sarah White (1) Sean Conrad (1) Sean Murray (1) Sebastian Guerrini (1) Sebastiano Maffettone (1) Sergio Caputo (1) Shakespeare (1) Shashi Tharoor (1) Sherlock Holmes (1) Silicon Valley (1) Stefan Sagmeister (1) Stephen Cave (1) Stephen Covey (1) Steve Karpman (1) Steven Pressfield (1) Susan Jeffers (1) TRECCANI (1) TalentZoo (1) Tangram (1) Tarzan (1) Tata Lucia (1) Thandie Newton (1) Thomas Alva Edison (1) Thomas Edison (1) Thomas Jefferson (1) Thomas Moore (1) Tim Bajarin (1) Tim Berners-Lee (1) Tim Goodenough (1) Timothy Ferriss (1) Timothy Prestero (1) Titti Stama (1) Tom Wujec (1) Tommaso Cerno (1) Tonino Carotone (1) Tony Buzan (1) Tony Hayward (1) Tony Schwartz (1) Totò (1) Tracy O'Connor (1) Tracy O’Connor (1) Trilussa (1) Uma Thurman (1) Vasco Rossi (1) Virgin Mary (1) Virginia Woolf (1) WWF (1) Walt Whitman (1) Walter Bonatti (1) William Blake (1) William Butler Yeats (1) William James (1) William Somerset Maugham (1) William Ury (1) Winnie the Pooh (1) Wystan Hugh Auden (1) Xerox (1) Yang Lan (1) Yoda (1) Yum Yum (1) Zaz (1) Zecharia Sitchin (1) Zenone (1) Zig Ziglar (1) blender (1) fras (1) fratelli Wright (1) iO Tillett Wright (1) john Stuart Mill (1) leader (1) pensiero positivo (1) re del Bhutan (1) rugby (1) santi (1) save the children (1) twitter (1) vivizen (1)